I'm really not sure if Iron Blogger is working out for me. I went to a (champagne brunch) meetup just today, and I had a good time, but I think this may be causing me more stress than it is worth.
My life is very weekend focused. I spend a ridiculous amount of time on weekdays throughout the year just planning weekends, whether it is conventions, festivals, trips, or parties. I am usually exhausted on Sunday nights, and find myself thinking of needing to blog similarly to how I think about needing to deal with the trash (and cat litter) on Sunday nights.
Part of it is that the rest of iron blogger is overwhelmingly about computers in ways I don't care about at all. I love when my friends get slashdotted, but usually their posts mean nothing to me.
I do want to keep blogging in a more formal style, but I might be better off posting because I have something to say, not because I want to avoid paying money.
I almost quit last week, but someone asked me not to. Ironically, by posting about this, I keep myself from hitting the maximum debt level for another week. I'm moving next weekend and running a bachelorette party, so we'll see if I blog anything. If this is my last post in the iron blogger group, well, it's been fun, and remember to talk about things oher than computers sometimes, even if you are really skilled in that area. The world is full of interesting things to explore and talk about!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
20 Days of Vidding
There is a popular style of meme/survey in fandom, where people answer a series of questions about things they like (or don't) like, theoretically answering one question a day. I've seen a lot of these lately, probably due in part to the lack of new television recently. There's 30 days of Doctor Who, with questions about favorite companions and season finales, 30 days about favorite songs, and a number that are just generic questions about one's favorite show, or all time favorites across sources. Last week, jarrow came up with 20 days of vid questions, in preparation for next month's big vidding convention, Vividcon. I am going to attempt to participate, and share the results with y'all. Forgive me for overusing the word "awesome", I am not the best at talking about vids. Just watch them. ;-)
Day 1 - A vid that made you start watching a brand new show
Day 1: Winner: Mad About You by gwyn-r, Mad Men. I first saw this vid at Vividcon Premieres last year, and I knew nothing about these women, but they grabbed me, and I needed to know them, I needed to know their lives. I had been meaning to go back and rewatch this vid for a few days, and then this meme appeared! The streaming video was skipping, so I pulled out my VVC 2009 Premiere DVDs and wound up watching a lot of vids. :-) This was my first time going back to this vid since I started watching "Mad Men", and of course it is just wonderful.
Day 1: Runner up is "Fix You" by sdwolfpup, Battlestar Galactica (which was very hard to find given that I couldn't remember who had made it, and it turns out there are a lot of "Fix You" vids!). In actuality, a lot of vidders made me watch BSG, because I saw all my favorite vidders were vidding BSG and I wanted to know the source so I could watch their vids. It sounds a bit ridiculous and silly now that I admit it. :-) This vid did push me over the edge, I think I saw it at a random little vid show at Wiscon in 2007, and I was intrigued, and started watching.
Then right after Vividcon 2008 I read a whole lot of lj posts about the vids, and This post by bradcpu talked about "Fix You" and I went back, having seen tons of BSG by this point, and I was blown away by the awesome.
Day 2 - A male character study vid you love
"In the mirror" by Here's Luck, due South. The reason I am so impressed by this vid is that I hardly know Ray Kowalski. I watched the first two seasons of due South devotedly, completely unaware of the fandom. After that, it became really hard to find the episodes where I lived, and I only caught a smattering of episodes, and was generally suspicious of this major casting change on my beloved show. Years later, I was startled to discover due South had this huge fandom! I had thought only sff had fandoms.
I found this vid, and I watched it, and I felt like I understood RayK, between the episodes I had seen, and this vid, and all the bits and pieces I picked up from people... it all came together in such a great way. Being able to convey so much to someone who doesn't know all the source? Totally awesome. :-)
Day 1 - A vid that made you start watching a brand new show
Day 1: Winner: Mad About You by gwyn-r, Mad Men. I first saw this vid at Vividcon Premieres last year, and I knew nothing about these women, but they grabbed me, and I needed to know them, I needed to know their lives. I had been meaning to go back and rewatch this vid for a few days, and then this meme appeared! The streaming video was skipping, so I pulled out my VVC 2009 Premiere DVDs and wound up watching a lot of vids. :-) This was my first time going back to this vid since I started watching "Mad Men", and of course it is just wonderful.
Day 1: Runner up is "Fix You" by sdwolfpup, Battlestar Galactica (which was very hard to find given that I couldn't remember who had made it, and it turns out there are a lot of "Fix You" vids!). In actuality, a lot of vidders made me watch BSG, because I saw all my favorite vidders were vidding BSG and I wanted to know the source so I could watch their vids. It sounds a bit ridiculous and silly now that I admit it. :-) This vid did push me over the edge, I think I saw it at a random little vid show at Wiscon in 2007, and I was intrigued, and started watching.
Then right after Vividcon 2008 I read a whole lot of lj posts about the vids, and This post by bradcpu talked about "Fix You" and I went back, having seen tons of BSG by this point, and I was blown away by the awesome.
Day 2 - A male character study vid you love
"In the mirror" by Here's Luck, due South. The reason I am so impressed by this vid is that I hardly know Ray Kowalski. I watched the first two seasons of due South devotedly, completely unaware of the fandom. After that, it became really hard to find the episodes where I lived, and I only caught a smattering of episodes, and was generally suspicious of this major casting change on my beloved show. Years later, I was startled to discover due South had this huge fandom! I had thought only sff had fandoms.
I found this vid, and I watched it, and I felt like I understood RayK, between the episodes I had seen, and this vid, and all the bits and pieces I picked up from people... it all came together in such a great way. Being able to convey so much to someone who doesn't know all the source? Totally awesome. :-)
Monday, June 28, 2010
(Not very deep) thoughts on my relationship with video games
I have so much trouble thinking of myself as a (video)gamer. I'm a LARPer for sure, a writer and player of live action roleplaying games. I'm a tabletop gammer, with Dungeons & Dragons, Exalted, World of Darkness, et cetera. These days, I even play german-style board games, despite swearing for years I'd never given in to their siren call. But video games? I'm not a gamer, I just play the stuff. My little brother had video game systems, and I played them sometimes, but he was the gamer, not me, I was sure of it.
Hilariously, I used to *make* video games, when I worked at the Singapore-MIT GAMBIT Game Lab back in college. It might have been that experience that raised my standards of what a "real gamer" was, as it seemed everyone around me was so much more into videogames than I was. The games I did like tended to be puzzle-oriented games, not "hardcore" games, which obviously made me less of a "real gamer".
It all went downhill with Rock Band. I love Rock Band sooooo much. I engaged in ridiculous shenanigans to get to play RB, and desperately wanted to play it all the time. I was in the middle of trying to convince my boyfriend's housemate to get it when I had a birthday party, back in December 2008. My clever boyfriend got a bunch of my friends together, and they bought me an X-Box 360 and a Rock Band 2 set. I was ridiculously excited.
I never would have bought an X-Box on my own, and for a long time I thought I'd only ever use it for Rock Band. I got sucked in by being able to get download games and game previews directly onto the X-Box. Portal and Braid lured me in. Now I have a Nintendo DS, and a Wii, and a Gamefly subscription. Gamefly is basically netflix for video games, and it's fantastic for me. Games are so expensive, and I just can't convince myself to buy most games without having played them. Gamefly is wonderful. Right now I have out "New Super Mario Brothers Wii" and the "Metroid Prime" trilogy for the Wii, and I sent back "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney" for the DS. NSMB is a modern take on the traditional 2-D side scroller Mario game, Metroid Prime is, well, I guess a combination First Person Shooter/Sandbox/Puzzle game, and Phoenix Wright is actually a game about being a lawyer. Earlier this year, I found myself completely obsessed with "The World Ends With You", a Japanese RPG. These days, I find myself open to most styles of video games now (except MMORPGs, not going there!). What should I play next?
Hilariously, I used to *make* video games, when I worked at the Singapore-MIT GAMBIT Game Lab back in college. It might have been that experience that raised my standards of what a "real gamer" was, as it seemed everyone around me was so much more into videogames than I was. The games I did like tended to be puzzle-oriented games, not "hardcore" games, which obviously made me less of a "real gamer".
It all went downhill with Rock Band. I love Rock Band sooooo much. I engaged in ridiculous shenanigans to get to play RB, and desperately wanted to play it all the time. I was in the middle of trying to convince my boyfriend's housemate to get it when I had a birthday party, back in December 2008. My clever boyfriend got a bunch of my friends together, and they bought me an X-Box 360 and a Rock Band 2 set. I was ridiculously excited.
I never would have bought an X-Box on my own, and for a long time I thought I'd only ever use it for Rock Band. I got sucked in by being able to get download games and game previews directly onto the X-Box. Portal and Braid lured me in. Now I have a Nintendo DS, and a Wii, and a Gamefly subscription. Gamefly is basically netflix for video games, and it's fantastic for me. Games are so expensive, and I just can't convince myself to buy most games without having played them. Gamefly is wonderful. Right now I have out "New Super Mario Brothers Wii" and the "Metroid Prime" trilogy for the Wii, and I sent back "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney" for the DS. NSMB is a modern take on the traditional 2-D side scroller Mario game, Metroid Prime is, well, I guess a combination First Person Shooter/Sandbox/Puzzle game, and Phoenix Wright is actually a game about being a lawyer. Earlier this year, I found myself completely obsessed with "The World Ends With You", a Japanese RPG. These days, I find myself open to most styles of video games now (except MMORPGs, not going there!). What should I play next?
Monday, June 14, 2010
Talking about TV: "Dexter" (very minor spoilers)
"Dexter" (4 seasons, 12 episodes each, Showtime)
This is one of those shows that I started watching due to excessive critical acclaim. I actually postponed it for years because I have still never finished "Six Feet Under" and I was convinced I wouldn't be able to deal with Michael C. Hall playing such a profoundly different character from the sweet gay Catholic undertaker I knew and loved from SFU. Turns out Michael C. Hall is such an amazing actor, it didn't matter. I swear even his voice is completely different. I picked up the show while sick and marathoned the first two seasons, and watched the third season fairly quickly as well. The fourth season ended last December, and I watched that mostly in real time.
In case anyone is unfamiliar with the premise, I will summarize. Dexter Morgan works in the homicide department in Miami, doing blood spatter analysis. He brings donuts into the office and is on the bowling team. He is very patient and kind with his girlfriend Rita, who is a survivor of spousal abuse and is raising her two kids while her ex serves jail time. Dexter is also an extremely good serial killer, so good that no one even knows there *is* a serial killer in Miami. Dexter had a very traumatic incident as a child, and was adopted by a policeman, Harry Morgan. Harry realized (or decided) that Dexter was going to grow up to be a serial killer, and he didn't want his adopted son to wind up executed for murder. Harry taught Dexter how to blend in, how not to get caught, and indoctrinated in him that he was only allowed to kill other killers, people who deserved to die by Harry's Code. He also gave Dex some issues. As the series progresses, Dexter has to deal with balancing his work, his relationship with Rita and her kids, and making time to get out and kill people. Things predictably get complicated.
"Dexter" is a really well crafted show, but not an uncomplicated one. At Wiscon I walked into the middle of a discussion about Dexter that I really wish I'd heard all of, about the way that we the viewers become complicit to Dexter's crimes. I have thought long and hard about this, and right now the best I can come up with is saying that I have different rules of morality for the real world and fiction. I don't even support the death penalty, and here I am, wanting things to work out for Dexter, wanting him to keep getting away with it. It's... complicated, and I'd love to talk about it with anyone who watches the show.
As the show is getting on in years, I am thinking more and more about how the show will end. Because of the nature of TV, something dramatic pretty much has to happen in Dexter's life in the next couple of years. It probably won't be "twenty years of more of the same, and then he gets caught". I sort of resent that TV basically has to do that, but there's not much to be done about it (unless we get better at making actors look older.) I really like when shows have big time jumps, actually, as I often feel it makes narratives and character development feel more genuine, rather than rushed. But that's a tangent! As I see it, there are three options for Dexter:
1) He gets caught and almost certainly executed, or dies in some other way
2) He gives up killing
3) He keeps up killing, probably with a lot of lengthy introspective Dexter voiceovers.
I forgot the voiceovers! It's a fairly voiceover heavy show, because who the hell is Dexter going to talk to about any of this? Honestly, they probably use the voiceover more than is necessary, I can't think of any other show I've watched that uses it so much. I watched "Dexter" and "Mad Men" at the same time, and I found a lot of parallels between Dexter and "Mad Men"'s Don Draper (and I was so glad to see I wasn't the only one who saw these, as I felt kind of weird), and "Mad Men" never uses voiceovers. (Given how hard they work to put the passage of time into dialogue instead of on screen text, I expect they'd never even consider a VO. It would be pretty stylistically weird.) Don Draper is full of secrets, and things are revealed very slowly. Sometimes I want to beat the TV and have him just say why the hell he is doing certain things, but Mad Men is all about making you read into things, where as "Dexter" spells them out very clearly.
I think "Dexter" needs to have voiceovers to make people watch the show. He's a serial killer! He's not supposed to be sympathetic, by conventional morality. The show really takes place in Dexter's head, looking at events from Dexter's perspective. However, the voiceover does lead me to one of my favorite parts of the shows, which is what an unreliable narrator Dexter is. Dexter will tell us over and over again about how he doesn't have any feelings, how he doesn't care for Rita and her kids, how they are just a convenient cover, but his actions will eventually betray him, as we the audience see that he *does* care. Dexter is a dynamic character, and I am really interested in seeing where he goes. (This will possibly lead to me feeling horribly betrayed if his final destination is not one I like, but that's one of my big problems with watching ongoing TV). I think Harry, Dexter's adopted father, had really good intentions with Dexter, but I think he may have done him a disservice, that his serial killer was perhaps not set in stone, that he could have learned to have more normal relationships if he hadn't had Harry basically telling him he'd never feel love. It's weird. Harry's been dead a number of years, but spectral Harry shows up, mostly to criticize Dexter. It is completely portrayed as a construct of Dexter's mind, Harry's influence lingering in him, and not at all like there is an actual ghost. (Though I like those shows too, especially when they involve Paul Gross!)
If Dexter winds up executed, I will probably cry, especially if it suddenly turns into some morality play about "Dexter has to pay for his crimes". Dexter suffering for what he does is fine, that had already happened in pretty significant ways, but I would hate if the show suddenly stopped being complex at the end. I would probably be mostly okay with Dexter having a lot of realizations and epiphanies and what not and continuing on with his killing, or it being left ambiguous if he will. (I have a very clear potential final shot for the series, with Dexter doing something very normal looking, like barbecuing with family, and it looks like he's given up on the killing, but then he turns and looks at the camera, at the audience, with a creepy ambiguous look in his eye and a hint of a smile. If you know the series you can probably pictures this yourself.)
I think what I actually want to see is for "Dexter" to learn to live without killing. It is presented as a serious compulsion, something he can't live without. In one season, he even went to Narcotics Anonymous meetings and talked about his need to kill like it was a drug. His killings is very ritualized, very careful and almost clinical. It is never presented as something that is sexualized for Dexter, but it does seem reminiscent of media portrayals of sexual fetish. There is probably a lot to be said here about mental illness, but I don't actually feel qualified to get into it and I need to go to bed. :-) I want Dexter to be happy, I want Dexter to grown up and step out from under his father's shadow (which his sister is also living under, in a very different way). I want Dexter to stop killing people, to not need to kill people, to have real, happy, normal human relationships. I don't want the people around Dexter to have to deal with finding out he is a serial killer, as it would probably leave many people emotionally scarred and crippled for the rest of their lives. I want a happy ending, I guess, which may be a ridiculous thing to want in this context, but I want it.
The other big thing I love about "Dexter" is the other characters. It would be really easy in a show like this the other characters to just be two dimensional, for them to only exist in relation to Dexter, but somehow, they don't! Dexter is on screen *most* of the time, but all the time when he's not is generally well used. I adore his foul-mouthed, insecure adopted sister Deb, who wants nothing more than to be a great detective like her dad. I as pleased as punch that beyond Dexter, his white sister and white girlfriend, most of the rest of the cast *isn't* white! It is Miami, but anything can be white-washed, and this isn't. I adore Angel, one of Dexter's Cuban coworkers, to itty bitty little pieces. Maria LaGuerta is the head of homicide, and I really didn't like her much in the beginning, and she really does some super questionable things at times, but she's really well drawn. Jimmy Smits shows up in season three and... really surprised me, honestly! Doakes... I can't even begin to talk about Doakes right now, I might need a second post. (To think I'd work multiple shows into this one post!) We get romances between characters of color, and we even get closeups of characters of color kissing! (Turns out white people kissing is framed differently on TV, which I find fascinating.) The show is multicultural and it does not feel forced at all, it's just what Miami is, and I love it.
In conclusion: I think Dexter is worth watching. It's on premium cable and is about serial killers, so there's blood, but I'm pretty sensitive to these things and I find it easy to deal with, in large part because it's rarely a *surprise*, I can close my eyes when Dexter's about to stab someone and miss all of the gore. It's complex, and it may make you uncomfortable, but I think it's the kind of discomfort that is important to explore. Let me know what you think.
This is one of those shows that I started watching due to excessive critical acclaim. I actually postponed it for years because I have still never finished "Six Feet Under" and I was convinced I wouldn't be able to deal with Michael C. Hall playing such a profoundly different character from the sweet gay Catholic undertaker I knew and loved from SFU. Turns out Michael C. Hall is such an amazing actor, it didn't matter. I swear even his voice is completely different. I picked up the show while sick and marathoned the first two seasons, and watched the third season fairly quickly as well. The fourth season ended last December, and I watched that mostly in real time.
In case anyone is unfamiliar with the premise, I will summarize. Dexter Morgan works in the homicide department in Miami, doing blood spatter analysis. He brings donuts into the office and is on the bowling team. He is very patient and kind with his girlfriend Rita, who is a survivor of spousal abuse and is raising her two kids while her ex serves jail time. Dexter is also an extremely good serial killer, so good that no one even knows there *is* a serial killer in Miami. Dexter had a very traumatic incident as a child, and was adopted by a policeman, Harry Morgan. Harry realized (or decided) that Dexter was going to grow up to be a serial killer, and he didn't want his adopted son to wind up executed for murder. Harry taught Dexter how to blend in, how not to get caught, and indoctrinated in him that he was only allowed to kill other killers, people who deserved to die by Harry's Code. He also gave Dex some issues. As the series progresses, Dexter has to deal with balancing his work, his relationship with Rita and her kids, and making time to get out and kill people. Things predictably get complicated.
"Dexter" is a really well crafted show, but not an uncomplicated one. At Wiscon I walked into the middle of a discussion about Dexter that I really wish I'd heard all of, about the way that we the viewers become complicit to Dexter's crimes. I have thought long and hard about this, and right now the best I can come up with is saying that I have different rules of morality for the real world and fiction. I don't even support the death penalty, and here I am, wanting things to work out for Dexter, wanting him to keep getting away with it. It's... complicated, and I'd love to talk about it with anyone who watches the show.
As the show is getting on in years, I am thinking more and more about how the show will end. Because of the nature of TV, something dramatic pretty much has to happen in Dexter's life in the next couple of years. It probably won't be "twenty years of more of the same, and then he gets caught". I sort of resent that TV basically has to do that, but there's not much to be done about it (unless we get better at making actors look older.) I really like when shows have big time jumps, actually, as I often feel it makes narratives and character development feel more genuine, rather than rushed. But that's a tangent! As I see it, there are three options for Dexter:
1) He gets caught and almost certainly executed, or dies in some other way
2) He gives up killing
3) He keeps up killing, probably with a lot of lengthy introspective Dexter voiceovers.
I forgot the voiceovers! It's a fairly voiceover heavy show, because who the hell is Dexter going to talk to about any of this? Honestly, they probably use the voiceover more than is necessary, I can't think of any other show I've watched that uses it so much. I watched "Dexter" and "Mad Men" at the same time, and I found a lot of parallels between Dexter and "Mad Men"'s Don Draper (and I was so glad to see I wasn't the only one who saw these, as I felt kind of weird), and "Mad Men" never uses voiceovers. (Given how hard they work to put the passage of time into dialogue instead of on screen text, I expect they'd never even consider a VO. It would be pretty stylistically weird.) Don Draper is full of secrets, and things are revealed very slowly. Sometimes I want to beat the TV and have him just say why the hell he is doing certain things, but Mad Men is all about making you read into things, where as "Dexter" spells them out very clearly.
I think "Dexter" needs to have voiceovers to make people watch the show. He's a serial killer! He's not supposed to be sympathetic, by conventional morality. The show really takes place in Dexter's head, looking at events from Dexter's perspective. However, the voiceover does lead me to one of my favorite parts of the shows, which is what an unreliable narrator Dexter is. Dexter will tell us over and over again about how he doesn't have any feelings, how he doesn't care for Rita and her kids, how they are just a convenient cover, but his actions will eventually betray him, as we the audience see that he *does* care. Dexter is a dynamic character, and I am really interested in seeing where he goes. (This will possibly lead to me feeling horribly betrayed if his final destination is not one I like, but that's one of my big problems with watching ongoing TV). I think Harry, Dexter's adopted father, had really good intentions with Dexter, but I think he may have done him a disservice, that his serial killer was perhaps not set in stone, that he could have learned to have more normal relationships if he hadn't had Harry basically telling him he'd never feel love. It's weird. Harry's been dead a number of years, but spectral Harry shows up, mostly to criticize Dexter. It is completely portrayed as a construct of Dexter's mind, Harry's influence lingering in him, and not at all like there is an actual ghost. (Though I like those shows too, especially when they involve Paul Gross!)
If Dexter winds up executed, I will probably cry, especially if it suddenly turns into some morality play about "Dexter has to pay for his crimes". Dexter suffering for what he does is fine, that had already happened in pretty significant ways, but I would hate if the show suddenly stopped being complex at the end. I would probably be mostly okay with Dexter having a lot of realizations and epiphanies and what not and continuing on with his killing, or it being left ambiguous if he will. (I have a very clear potential final shot for the series, with Dexter doing something very normal looking, like barbecuing with family, and it looks like he's given up on the killing, but then he turns and looks at the camera, at the audience, with a creepy ambiguous look in his eye and a hint of a smile. If you know the series you can probably pictures this yourself.)
I think what I actually want to see is for "Dexter" to learn to live without killing. It is presented as a serious compulsion, something he can't live without. In one season, he even went to Narcotics Anonymous meetings and talked about his need to kill like it was a drug. His killings is very ritualized, very careful and almost clinical. It is never presented as something that is sexualized for Dexter, but it does seem reminiscent of media portrayals of sexual fetish. There is probably a lot to be said here about mental illness, but I don't actually feel qualified to get into it and I need to go to bed. :-) I want Dexter to be happy, I want Dexter to grown up and step out from under his father's shadow (which his sister is also living under, in a very different way). I want Dexter to stop killing people, to not need to kill people, to have real, happy, normal human relationships. I don't want the people around Dexter to have to deal with finding out he is a serial killer, as it would probably leave many people emotionally scarred and crippled for the rest of their lives. I want a happy ending, I guess, which may be a ridiculous thing to want in this context, but I want it.
The other big thing I love about "Dexter" is the other characters. It would be really easy in a show like this the other characters to just be two dimensional, for them to only exist in relation to Dexter, but somehow, they don't! Dexter is on screen *most* of the time, but all the time when he's not is generally well used. I adore his foul-mouthed, insecure adopted sister Deb, who wants nothing more than to be a great detective like her dad. I as pleased as punch that beyond Dexter, his white sister and white girlfriend, most of the rest of the cast *isn't* white! It is Miami, but anything can be white-washed, and this isn't. I adore Angel, one of Dexter's Cuban coworkers, to itty bitty little pieces. Maria LaGuerta is the head of homicide, and I really didn't like her much in the beginning, and she really does some super questionable things at times, but she's really well drawn. Jimmy Smits shows up in season three and... really surprised me, honestly! Doakes... I can't even begin to talk about Doakes right now, I might need a second post. (To think I'd work multiple shows into this one post!) We get romances between characters of color, and we even get closeups of characters of color kissing! (Turns out white people kissing is framed differently on TV, which I find fascinating.) The show is multicultural and it does not feel forced at all, it's just what Miami is, and I love it.
In conclusion: I think Dexter is worth watching. It's on premium cable and is about serial killers, so there's blood, but I'm pretty sensitive to these things and I find it easy to deal with, in large part because it's rarely a *surprise*, I can close my eyes when Dexter's about to stab someone and miss all of the gore. It's complex, and it may make you uncomfortable, but I think it's the kind of discomfort that is important to explore. Let me know what you think.
Monday, June 7, 2010
MIT: One year on
(Our internet is down, so I'm writing from my phone, so I expect this to be brief)
The MIT class of 2010 graduated on Friday. Today I found my MIT freshman class photo, taken on August 26, 2010. I feel like... I should feel more. I've always been rather sentimental, and put great stock in things like anniversaries and things in that general category. People have told me that the first year out is the roughest. That certainly would be nice! Overall, its been a pretty good year, except for my crazy startup job that was too similar to the bad parts of MIT.
When I look back, I am still proud of what I accomplished, and still just a bit shocked I actually made it through, but right nw, the main emotion is disbelief at how crazy I let mit make me. I still remember just how desperately I wanted to graduate, and the ridiculous sacrifice I made, the horrible thing I did to my body and my health and my mind. What was I thinking? It's absurd. I can't imagine voluntarily suffering like that again unless someone's life was literally on the line. Such madness.
Everyone suffers some at mit, but the people I find I can connect most easily with on this topic are other people who didn't do the 8 consecutive terms option. If you get into mit, leave, and then have to convince the to take you back... it requires some soul searching, and a much more informed decision to enter hell than any high schooler could make. We knew how bad it was, and experienced extra badness in one way or another, and we came back for more.
Don't get me wrong, MIT was a fabulous experience in many ways, formative and transformative in more way than I even am aware of yet, I'm sure. I found the most important people in my life, and I have no idea who I'd be without MIT, but MIT and I had a messed up relationship, and it was bad for me in a lot of ways. I feel like I've spent this year detoxing getting the bad stuff out of my system. I'm wiser and happier now, I'm more self aware and more at peace, I'm more grown up. I don't know where I'll be in a year, but I'm okay with that. I think I will probably stop counting the months since I graduated from MIT. MIT is not the most important thing in my life anymore!
Congratulations, class of 2010. I hope your lives only get more awesome from here!
The MIT class of 2010 graduated on Friday. Today I found my MIT freshman class photo, taken on August 26, 2010. I feel like... I should feel more. I've always been rather sentimental, and put great stock in things like anniversaries and things in that general category. People have told me that the first year out is the roughest. That certainly would be nice! Overall, its been a pretty good year, except for my crazy startup job that was too similar to the bad parts of MIT.
When I look back, I am still proud of what I accomplished, and still just a bit shocked I actually made it through, but right nw, the main emotion is disbelief at how crazy I let mit make me. I still remember just how desperately I wanted to graduate, and the ridiculous sacrifice I made, the horrible thing I did to my body and my health and my mind. What was I thinking? It's absurd. I can't imagine voluntarily suffering like that again unless someone's life was literally on the line. Such madness.
Everyone suffers some at mit, but the people I find I can connect most easily with on this topic are other people who didn't do the 8 consecutive terms option. If you get into mit, leave, and then have to convince the to take you back... it requires some soul searching, and a much more informed decision to enter hell than any high schooler could make. We knew how bad it was, and experienced extra badness in one way or another, and we came back for more.
Don't get me wrong, MIT was a fabulous experience in many ways, formative and transformative in more way than I even am aware of yet, I'm sure. I found the most important people in my life, and I have no idea who I'd be without MIT, but MIT and I had a messed up relationship, and it was bad for me in a lot of ways. I feel like I've spent this year detoxing getting the bad stuff out of my system. I'm wiser and happier now, I'm more self aware and more at peace, I'm more grown up. I don't know where I'll be in a year, but I'm okay with that. I think I will probably stop counting the months since I graduated from MIT. MIT is not the most important thing in my life anymore!
Congratulations, class of 2010. I hope your lives only get more awesome from here!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wiscon 34: Probably a transformative experience
I'm at Wiscon 34, a ~1000 person feminist science fiction convention in Madison, Wisconsin. This is my second time here. I came in 2007, mostly because good friends of mine in Chicago come yearly and encouraged me. This year, several friends from Boston are also here.
I don't remember why exactly I decided to come this year. I've been planning to come back eventually, and now that I've graduated, I have time. I didn't come here with many expectations. The day before my flight, I honestly didn't want to come very much at all, but I'd paid for too much in advance, and had connecting flights for a short trip to Indiana after this, and it would have been terribly complicated to drop out. Also, I was pretty sure that I would have a good time once I got here.
At first, it was a pretty chill con for me. I showed up a day early so I wouldn't be rushed and travel-grumpy on the first day. I made sure to get enough sleep every night, which involved sleeping through a lot of morning panels. I was not super attached to any one panel or event, and was pretty flexible with my schedule, switching panels freely if they were not interesting enough. I made time to hang out with the people that I came here to see. I was interviewed for a master's dissertation, and I adore being interviewed. Panels and conversations were interesting enough, but I had no big goal, I was just enjoying myself.
Today was different. I went to a reading that was just emotionally gutting, recovered some, then went to a panel that was good but emotionally fraught. I went to dinner, had a good time, then had conversations about complicated topics that mean a lot to me. Then dessert, then even more conversations about complicated topics. Last night I blogged that I felt I should become a bit more radical in my politics. After those conversations I was starting to feel like I need to take action with certain groups in my life to do things like increase diversity and try to make better spaces and help educate people on certain topics. Then Mary Anne Mohanraj gave an absolutely amazing Guest of Honor speech that left me in tears, and may have caused a significant change in the rest of my life. I have a lot to process. People have been noticing that I look off. I'm exhausted and I wish the con wasn't about to end because I want so much more, but on the other hand if I did this for too many days in a row I would probably just die. I am going through *such* a period of transition, oh, it makes my head spin. Thank goodness I have such good grounding back home in Boston. I'm spending the next few days with one of my best friends in Indiana, then back home to Boston. I feel more and more like I am at a turning point in my life, and I am fascinated to see where it might take me. You're welcome to come along for the ride. :)
I don't remember why exactly I decided to come this year. I've been planning to come back eventually, and now that I've graduated, I have time. I didn't come here with many expectations. The day before my flight, I honestly didn't want to come very much at all, but I'd paid for too much in advance, and had connecting flights for a short trip to Indiana after this, and it would have been terribly complicated to drop out. Also, I was pretty sure that I would have a good time once I got here.
At first, it was a pretty chill con for me. I showed up a day early so I wouldn't be rushed and travel-grumpy on the first day. I made sure to get enough sleep every night, which involved sleeping through a lot of morning panels. I was not super attached to any one panel or event, and was pretty flexible with my schedule, switching panels freely if they were not interesting enough. I made time to hang out with the people that I came here to see. I was interviewed for a master's dissertation, and I adore being interviewed. Panels and conversations were interesting enough, but I had no big goal, I was just enjoying myself.
Today was different. I went to a reading that was just emotionally gutting, recovered some, then went to a panel that was good but emotionally fraught. I went to dinner, had a good time, then had conversations about complicated topics that mean a lot to me. Then dessert, then even more conversations about complicated topics. Last night I blogged that I felt I should become a bit more radical in my politics. After those conversations I was starting to feel like I need to take action with certain groups in my life to do things like increase diversity and try to make better spaces and help educate people on certain topics. Then Mary Anne Mohanraj gave an absolutely amazing Guest of Honor speech that left me in tears, and may have caused a significant change in the rest of my life. I have a lot to process. People have been noticing that I look off. I'm exhausted and I wish the con wasn't about to end because I want so much more, but on the other hand if I did this for too many days in a row I would probably just die. I am going through *such* a period of transition, oh, it makes my head spin. Thank goodness I have such good grounding back home in Boston. I'm spending the next few days with one of my best friends in Indiana, then back home to Boston. I feel more and more like I am at a turning point in my life, and I am fascinated to see where it might take me. You're welcome to come along for the ride. :)
Monday, May 17, 2010
Yoga: Coming Soon To My Living Room!
One of the most important changes in my life in the past year is yoga. I had tried tiny bits of yoga previously as part of other events, and found it intriguing. I had planned to find a yoga class during my summer in San Francisco, but it never happened. Last November, my friend Q started teaching yoga in a belly dance studio in Jamaica Plain. By the end of the first class I was hooked, but getting to Jamaica Plain is really a pain from Davis Square, where I live. The trouble getting to class was probably the main reason I've missed it so much, but now I will have no such excuse because class will be... in my living room!
We have a great big common area in my apartment, and I'm very excited to host things here. I have plans to also have a dance party and host a LARP or two, and possibly a tabletop game if the current location becomes infeasible.
I've realized that my greatest satisfaction in life comes from making people happy or making their lives better. I'm not sure what this means for my future career, but I know that I want to open up my home to things like this. I want to become the best hostess I can. I want to make events runs as smoothly as possible, while minimizing stress for myself and everyone else involved. I want my net impact on the people around me to be positive.
Yoga has been so good for my body, my relationship with my body, and myself overall. I can't really quantify everything it has done. I really want to start practicing daily, and I just need to get it into my routine (what little routine I have) and I think it could become something I do basically every day for the rest of my life. I haven't tried any other style of yoga, but I know that the combination of yoga styles that Q teaches is good for me. I encourage everyone to try yoga out, whether with Q or someone else.
The first class at my house is Monday at 7:30 pm. Contact me at laura47 at gmail for directions and details. We're about half a mile from the Davis T, on two bus lines, and have reasonable parking.
"Q has studied kundalini and vinyasa yoga for the past decade. His
classes tend to incorporate breathing exercises, a rigorous vinyasa
flow, and a range of different meditation techniques. Students of all
levels and all body types are always welcome." - From the facebook group description
We have a great big common area in my apartment, and I'm very excited to host things here. I have plans to also have a dance party and host a LARP or two, and possibly a tabletop game if the current location becomes infeasible.
I've realized that my greatest satisfaction in life comes from making people happy or making their lives better. I'm not sure what this means for my future career, but I know that I want to open up my home to things like this. I want to become the best hostess I can. I want to make events runs as smoothly as possible, while minimizing stress for myself and everyone else involved. I want my net impact on the people around me to be positive.
Yoga has been so good for my body, my relationship with my body, and myself overall. I can't really quantify everything it has done. I really want to start practicing daily, and I just need to get it into my routine (what little routine I have) and I think it could become something I do basically every day for the rest of my life. I haven't tried any other style of yoga, but I know that the combination of yoga styles that Q teaches is good for me. I encourage everyone to try yoga out, whether with Q or someone else.
The first class at my house is Monday at 7:30 pm. Contact me at laura47 at gmail for directions and details. We're about half a mile from the Davis T, on two bus lines, and have reasonable parking.
"Q has studied kundalini and vinyasa yoga for the past decade. His
classes tend to incorporate breathing exercises, a rigorous vinyasa
flow, and a range of different meditation techniques. Students of all
levels and all body types are always welcome." - From the facebook group description
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)